Barney Miller

The verdict is in on the Harris/Ripner libel suit, and a woman threatens to blow up the squad room with a homemade bomb. What better time for Detective Fish to drop by for a visit?

An expensive doll is abducted for ransom; a man claims he was swindled in exchange for a ticket on the space shuttle; Luger informs Barney that he's in his will.

When Barney spends the night in jail, the squad room is left in the natty hands of Sergeant Harris.

A restaurant may have refused a man service because of his appearance; Barney won't name an informant so he's charged with contempt of court.

Ripner is suing Harris over the lawyer's portrayal in the detective's novel; Wojo asks Barney's daughter out on a date; a sporting-goods storeowner takes the law in his own hands.

A serious tone pervades this episode about a gypsy and his harassment of the owner of a novelty store; on the lighter side, a librarian takes extreme measures to ensure quiet amongst the stacks.

A deaf woman is arrested for prostitution; Barney anxiously awaits news of Wojo, who dived into the Hudson River in pursuit of a looter.

An accused mugger claims that he was answering a psychic vision; a language professor takes vandalistic umbrage to a grammatically incorrect billboard.

A blind mugging victim and an overzealous charity collector are among the disparate audience members at the screening of Harris' overbudget film.

Harris is assigned to direct a pornographic movie; an old-time radio newsman assaults a vacuous television anchor.

Someone is sending specific information on transgressions of the men to Internal Affairs; Harris sets up a reunion between an elderly cat burglar and the wife who reported him missing years ago.

Dietrich, stricken with guilt when he shoots a felon, tenders his resignation; a playwright assaults an incompetent actor.

Dorsey takes a protective stance to a young prostitute; Harris is getting stock tips from another one; and Dietrich is tempted by all of them as he experiments with celibacy.

Another domestic dispute at the Brauer household occurs when their apartment building becomes ""clothing optional""; Wojo takes a personal interest in the plight of a fellow vet whose crime spree may be a result of the Agent Orange chemical.

The new detective is convinced that his compatriots are on the take and asks to be dealt out.

A drunk and disorderly turns out to be a delegate from the 1976 Democratic convention; Barney discovers a problem with the newly assigned Officer Nash - he's not a cop.

Harris woos the precinct's crime photographer, while Dietrich tracks down the hit man's intended target; Barney's frustration boils over when the new homicide-only edict results in the death of an old friend.

When the NYPD restructures its precincts as specialty squads, Luger pulls some strings and gets the 12th assigned as a homicide squad. Business is good; a man murders his barber, and a woman hires a hit man to kill her husband, and then changes her mind.

A lottery winner dispenses of the prize money by tossing it out a window; Sgt. Dietrich is arrested for his off-duty participation at an anti-nuclear rally; Barney discovers he can't afford his condo-converted apartment.

The cops observe the annual department-mandated ritual of wearing their uniforms - except for Harris who shows up in his usual natty street clothes.

Wojo fears that a despondent Luger is planning to do himself in; a man seeking to reclaim his television set robs the police vault; a rash of bizarre robberies leads to an eccentric gun collector.

A self-proclaimed time traveler tells Harris to fine tune his stock portfolio; Marty's divrorced gentleman friend Mr. Driscoll attempts to reclaim his son by abducting him from the playground.

Harris disappears while undercover as a vagrant; Luger elects to be demoted rather than to retire.

Vagrant Ray returns to report his fellow bums' disappearances; a woman wishes to have a child with a surrogate and is focusing in on Dietrich and Wojo.

Weary of an uncooperative populace, a census taker goes to drastic measures to make a head count; beleaguered apartment dwellers band together and capture a burglar.

One man's hands are a musical instrument to himself and a nuisance to others; a detective goes undercover to trap a dentist with wandering instruments.

The detectives search for a missing viral strain stolen from a lab; a woman is convinced that her husband is actually a clone.

A judge provides an attorney with the ultimate over-ruling—a gavel on the noggin; the crimes reported by a lonely woman emanate from daytime television soap operas.

A former master criminal becomes a walking zombie following his lobotomy; a man is unable to use the telephone after being mugged because he's Amish. Jeff Corey, who appeared previously as ""The Prisoner,"" was a renowned acting teacher.

Harris' book publication hits a snag when Dietrich refuses to sign a release; a suicide hot line operator becomes suicidal; the clerk that sold Wojo a sick bird changes his strict no-return policy when he learns that the detective is a cop.

A bookstore owner is infuriated when a strip club opens near his place of business; and man is convinced that he is on the verge of spontaneous combustion.

Harris bristles when he learns that the Burmese chauffeur being booked for a traffic accident is actually an indentured servant.

A visiting monk opts for a quick dalliance with a lady of the streets; Barney discovers to his horror that Dietrich may not be cut out for mugging detail—especially since it must be done in drag.

A string of false alarms suggests that a sniper may be after a cop, but the detectives are preoccupied with Barney's posted vacation schedules and the case of a man who won't donate a kidney to his ailing brother.

A tranquil prisoner claims to be Jesus Christ, which is timely for the drug dealer caught with an impressive stash; an elderly mugger poses as a photographer to ensnare lonely women.

When an anonymous letter identifies a member of the 12th Precinct as a homosexual, it buys the boys a visit from Lieutenant Scanlon, who proceeds to make a witch hunt out of his search for the author. Meanwhile, a disgruntled shopper takes a fire axe to an elevator's MUZAK machine.

The 12th Precinct hosts an open house, attracting only vagrants; Barney's joy at moving back home is cut short by the hotel manager that refuses to refund him his upcoming month's rent; Wojo and Harris try to get a lead on an arsonist.

Harris milks a wily counterfeiter for his life story; a man takes exception to a plastic surgeon's work on his wife.

Barney feels the onrush of Father Time; Dietrich books an Olympic hopeful who practices his javelin toss in Central Park; a Hassidic Jew is the target of a diamond thief.

Wojo struggles to co-habitate with his ex-prostitute girlfriend.

Wojo decides to move in with his girlfriend; Mr. Brauer tells his wife that he's leaving to become a mercenary. This was a pilot for a potential spin-off series, each week focusing on one of the cops' off-duty lives.

A paranoid spy holds the precinct house at bay; the men bring in a disorderly mime.

Lieutenant Scanlon returns, this time attempting to ferret out corruption with a lie detector; Barney is suspicious of a furrier's robbery report.

A woman has her shoes stolen - from her feet; Wojo is forced to arrest an aging Indian who only wants to die in the park.

Feuding toy makers create a disturbance; Barney faces his first holiday as a separated man; a claustrophobic prisoner has an understandable problem with the cage.

Luger faces off against a 60s radical, and Harris arrests a portly second story man.

A stockbroker leaves Wall Street to become a beggar; a rookie cop, assuming Harris to be a felon, shoots at him.

Barney has the uneasy feeling that it may have been Levitt that vandalized the precinct squad room; a TV programming executive is assaulted in a coffee shop.

Barney notes some uncharacteristic behavior from Yemana; a client can't get a tattoo artist to remove his work; Harris books a youthful loan shark

A released prisoner can't adjust to civilian life; the widow of a cat burglar elects to perpetuate the family business.

An accusation of an indiscretion on the part of Dietrich leads to a visit from the gleeful Lieutenant Scanlon of Internal Affairs; Yemana books a rabbi who is running a gambling casino in his synagogue.

A German girl attempts to flee the country rather than surrender her baby to a broker's clients; Levitt turns to stimulants to aid in his self-imposed thirty-six hour shift.

The German Shepherd that bit Wojo may be rabid; Barney and Liz prepare for their impending separation.

Off goes the moustache, as it's Harris' turn for cross-dressing mugging detail; the host of a kids' science show goes off the deep end; Barney's men reopen a twenty-eight year old missing persons case.

Wojo delivers the ransom money for the department store owner, while the prostitute charms both Wojo and the victim's nebbish son.

A political activist abducts a department store magnate; Wojo arrests a prostitute and her Arkansan business manager.

Barney uncovers, if you will, the real reason behind a woman's vehement insistence that a nude-painting exhibit at a local art gallery be shut down; the Millers may be heading for divorce.

Wojo comes to Barney with a problem his superior would rather not know about; the 12th's new female detective has a very jealous husband, suspicious of her all-male co-workers; somehow a shoplifter escapes - in a wheelchair.

The hotel situation now involves a SWAT team, while Dietrich learns the identity of his amnesic ""girlfriend.""

Barney puts his career on the line by refusing to forcibly evict the tenants of a condemned hotel, while Lugar tries to figure out what to do with his vacation time.

The city legalizes off-track gambling, to the delight of Yemana; a woman wants her husband arrested on a rape charge; a master of disguise perpetuates a crime spree.

Yemana is hospitalized with appendicitis; the cage is a stopping-off place for a sugar addict and an aging bounty hunter.

The detectives are unimpressed with a man who claims he's being visited by a poltergeist - that is, until they lock the man up and strange events begin occurring about the squad room.

A man charges a sperm bank with murder after the lab unwittingly destroys the man's last sample.

Neither the bomb squad nor the government recognizes a college student's physics project as a functional atomic bomb - but Detective Dietrich does.

Wojo is buried alive after a tunnel collapses on a burglar burrowing towards the diamond exchange; a homeless Harris is combing Manhattan for a new apartment.

The detectives clean up after three mental patients sit down to Thanksgiving dinner at an automat.

A taxi company is irate when Wojo totals a borrowed cab while pursuing a robbery suspect; Lieutenant Scanlon tries to ferret out 12th Precinct corruption with a drug pusher.

A blizzard holes up the 12th with an unwelcome guest—a corpse; a self-proclaimed prophet is sure that the weather is indicative of a new ice age.

Yemana scours the TV Guide to try to second-guess the felon who's aping the prime-time lineup crime shows; a drunk forgets the most important element in a hold-up - a weapon.

Retired Sergeant Fish returns to assist Barney in locating a pilfered corpse.

A quixotic environmentalist faces the high-priced lawyer hired by the chemical plant he's been assaulting.

Listening devices discovered in the squad room may have come from Internal Affairs - or the Nixon administration!

Fish finally shows up for work, but refuses to acknowledge his mandatory retirement.

A neighborhood vigilante group runs amok, and Fish is AWOL on the day of his retirement.

Barney discovers that Harris has been moonlighting; Dietrich arrests a priest who's fencing stolen goods; a racketeer is using a retarded boy as an assistant.

Weary of waiting for promotion, Levitt announces that he's quitting the force; Barney investigates a sex clinic that borders on brothel status; Harris investigates a rash of crimes ostensibly committed by a juvenile.

Barney has his hands full with a couple who want his assistance with their cult-influenced daughter, and Nick's bookie who's arrested for his efforts.

The 12th may go up in smoke, to the delight of a suicidal couple.

Rather than return one week per month to uniformed patrol, Wojo quits the force.

An evicted tenant greets a landlord with a musket; Barney's charged with harassment when he books a blind shoplifter.

All eyes are on Fish as the city undergoes a first-stage smog alert; an unlikely connection is made between a potential suicide victim and an obscene graffiti artist.

Wojo brings hashish-laced brownies his new girlfriend made to the 12th Precinct, getting the detective squad stoned; while an actor and critic (""natural enemies"" says Harris) square off with dueling swords.

Wojo wants to tell Yemana that his Christmas Eve date is a call girl; Fish dons a red suit to catch a mugger who's targeting Kris Kringles; Luger fishes for an invitation from Barney for Christmas Day.

A power failure darkens spirits at the 12th, where they play host to a man with a split personality.

Barney doesn't see a crime, but Wojo's brought in a man for refusing to aid a mugging victim.

A latter-day prophet claims the end is near - 5:30, to be precise; a man who hasn't left his apartment since World War II is brought in for refusing to serve jury duty. John Cassisi appears as Victor Kreutzer, a role he would continue to play on ""Fish.""

A disturbance in the park turns out to be a man who claims to be a werewolf.

Election Day at the One-Two includes: A woman, being held from voting by her husband, throws a toilet seat into the street to get attention; a shoplifter gets escorted to vote by Wojo, who promptly 'loses' him; and Inspector Lugar comes electioneering for a old time political hack.

Quarters are tight at the 12th when a holdup man is confined with his busload of victims.

The quarantined 12th Precinct tries to make it through the night: Lugar has a 'talk' with Marty and Daryl Driscoll; and Harris has a loud rant in his sleep.

Wojo brings in a sick perp who collapses on the floor...resulting in the 12th being put under quarantine,with the following personnel present:A lady of the evening [who gets friendly with Fish!], Marty and Mr Driscoll, and of course, Inspector Lugar....

Wojo is dismayed to discover that the city doesn't have up-to-date evacuation procedures in the event of an emergency; Fish meets Jilly Pappalardo, a young thief who he will eventually care for in the ""Barney"" spin-off ""Fish.""

Wentworth is furious when Chano gets the credit for her bust of an assassin at a block party.

Wojo must escort a bigamist to Cleveland, even though he is (guess!) afraid of flying. Meanwhile,the bigamist's New York wife shows up. Also, a man turns in an unmarked envelope containing $3500 in cash.

A con man is selling charter flights to Saturn; Wojo and Luger are sniper targets.

On New Year's Eve, Fish tries to stop a jumper, and Wojo delivers a baby.

The citizenry is in a panic amidst the rumors that the 12th Precinct is being shut down; a repentent hood can't prove that he committed a crime.

A man is convinced that a photo of Jean Harlow is his missing wife; a pair of lady cops makes an overzealous drug bust.

A glimpse at Detective Fish's home life ensues when the detective decides to go on restricted duty. Steve Landesberg bows as Arthur Dietrich; Doris Belack fills in for Florence Stanley as Bernice Fish.

During a very rainy day, the squad must endure both the precinct roof threatening to collapse, and VERY bad Bicentennial jokes from a nightclub comedian-the stationhouse roof literally groaning in response!!

A hansom cab owner reports his horse missing. A man assaulted in his hotel room insists he was alone.

Barney smells a rat when two pounds of confiscated marijuana disappears from the evidence locker, and a homeless man spends the night in a department store—apparently one of many.

Marty claims that a member of the 12th is harassing the gay community; the precinct computers think Fish is dead.

Wojo and Wentworth pose as marrieds in order to bust a burglary ring set in a posh hotel.

The precinct is on the lookout for an arsonist; Chano brings in a man who used a deadly weapon on a vending machine.

A wife claims spousal abuse; Wojo and Wentworth are bait for a park rapist.

Yemana is shot in full view of disinterested bystanders, and Barney is offered a job in Florida.

Barney, Fish and Yemana feel the crunch when a labor layoff forces them to do without Chano, Harris and Wojo; a manicurist goes deeper than the nail; a morose stockbroker takes to petty theft.

Weary of housework, Liz tries her hand at social work, to Barney's dismay; a master forger fascinates Harris.

A disgruntled man with a belt of dynamite threatens to blow himself and the squad room sky high unless President Nixon agrees to speak with him; the plumbing goes kaput; Wojo arrests a phony man-of-the-cloth.

Barney is visited by Inspector Luger, who complains that his men aren't disliked enough by the public; a neighborhood vigilante is well into his twilight years; Wojo collars a cross-dressing teamster.

An overzealous lady cop ruffles the feathers of the testosterone-run 12th; Chano nabs an obscene phone caller. Linda Lavin (""Alice"") debuts as Detective Janice Wentworth.

Guests to the 12th include a drunken bureaucrat and the 12-year-old who robbed Chano's apartment; Wojo closes the precinct's favorite delicatessen for minor health-code infractions.

Well-meaning nosy neighbors overrun a covert stakeout operation.

A prostitute threatens to file harassment charges against Wojo; Rachel wants to move into her own apartment.

An old friend of Barney's is assigned to investigate allegations of corruption in the squadroom; Chano is after an obscene phone caller.

The squad grapples with guarding a department store payroll and a flasher who attempts suicide in the bathroom.

A bomber targets the 12th Precinct, as Det. Fish contemplates retirement.

Captain Barney Miller talks down a junkie who is holding the 12th Precinct hostage.