Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

Jonathan Ross is joined by comedy phenomenon Michael McIntyre; Girls Aloud minx Sarah Harding; Hollywood hunk Gerard Butler; WBA World Heavyweight Champion David Haye, and there's an exclusive performance from Arctic Monkeys.

Barbra Streisand joins Jonathan Ross for her first British TV interview this century.

Jonathan Ross continues the new season of music and chat with guests including recording legend Barry Manilow, QI star Alan Davies and actress and supermodel, Eva Mendes.

Jonathan Ross kick-starts a new season of his chat show with guests including cooking crusader Jamie Oliver; Britain's biggest comedian, Ricky Gervais; England Ashes hero Stuart Broad; and music from technicolour pop prince, Mika.

The host is joined by retired tennis player Tim Henman, recently reformed boy band Blue and Iranian-born comedian Shappi Khorsandi. Plus, Florence and the Machine perform their latest single Rabbit Heart.

The host is joined by actor Joanna Lumley, Northern Ireland's musical trio the Priests and the Killers frontman Brandon Flowers, who chats to Jonathan on the sofa and performs in the studio with the rest of the band.

The host welcomes actor Michael Sheen, whose latest film role playing a real-life public figure is as football manager Brian Clough in The Damned United. Fast & Furious star Vin Diesel, and music legend Lionel Richie, who is currently on tour in the UK, also drop in. Music is provided by pop duo Sparks, who will perform a song from their current album Exotic Creatures of the Deep.

Gavin & Stacey's James Corden, comedian Ruby Wax and actor Michael C Hall of Dexter and Six Feet Under join the host. Music is provided by Annie Lennox, whose greatest hits compilation is released on Monday.

Bafta-winning star of The Wrestler Mickey Rourke, comedian Jason Manford and singer-songwriter Will Young chat to the host. Plus, the Cure perform The Only One from their latest album 4:13 Dream.

Actor Dev Patel, star of the Bafta-winning film Slumdog Millionaire, comedian Michael McIntyre, and The Pink Panther 2 leading lady Emily Mortimer join the host for a showcase of celebrity chat and topical commentary on the week's big events. Plus, Morrissey performs I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris.

The host is joined by Benicio del Toro, Oscar-winning actor and star of Steven Soderbergh's Che Guevara biopic. He also chats with Pushing Daisies star Anna Friel and singer Tom Jones, who provides the music with "Give a Lttle Love".

The host is joined by Hollywood actor Tom Cruise, who is promoting his latest film Valkyrie, acclaimed writer and presenter Stephen Fry and stand-up comedian Lee Evans. Plus, Franz Ferdinand perform their latest single Ulysses.

For what seems like the 1,000th time, Lucas & Walliams cosy up to Jonathan to flog their cash cow Little Britain. Chef, Jamie Oliver and funny bloke Simon Pegg also appear.

Starsky and Hutch and Dodgeball - just two films starring Ben Stiller which didn't trouble the Oscars. Fellow chat show host, Paul O'Grady, (who unlike Jonathan lets his guests answer a question before butting in) and X Factor judge Cheryl Cole return to the show.

In 1982, Stevie Wonder (with Sir Paul McCartney) sang: ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don't we? Well, you could have been in the same country as each other when you shot the video for a start! Model, Abigail Clancy and Steve Coogan also appear.

The show returns and presumably so will the smut, as Kelly Brook is amongst the first guests in this, the 15th series. The Mighty Boosh return with a song to sing and a big monkey, too. Jonathan also welcomes Britain's gold medal winners from Beijing, which will take longer to do than it will for an Australian chat show host to welcome back their winners. Music from the Streets.

The ubiquitous John Barrowman returns to talk about his favourite Nancy (you can add your own punchline). Music from Black Kids, whose début song title takes longer to say than it takes to sing.

Chirpy Cockney geezer, Ray Winstone, does the Lambeth walk into the studio to discuss jellied eels, Doodlebugs and boxing grannies from the east end. Gawd bless 'em. Actually, he'll probably talk about his role in the new Indiana Jones film. The Osmonds - all 7 of them, give their first British interview in 25 years. 7 Osmonds - that's 224 teeth. Seems like a lot more... Music to please your Mum - and mine, from golden-tonsilled Neil Diamond.

A mixed bag of guests this week: author and broadcaster Andrew Marr; actress Sarah Jessica Parker and actor Anthony Head. So not that mixed after all... Brilliantly, this week's band is Yazoo (or Yaz, if you are American and have difficulty with syllables).

That big bundle of chuckles, Sir Alan Sugar, returns to the show; the big bundle, Johnny Vegas, also returns with his own brand of northern madness. Making her first appearance on the show is Jade Jagger, who, apparently, is famous for being a model and not just for being called Jagger. Music from Vampire Weekend.

Robert Downey Jr. makes a return appearance to the show, but it's debuts all-round for Gwyneth Paltrow, Michael Aspel and The Ting Tings.

Aston Kutcher joins Jonathan to talk about a new film, or something. Russell Brand returns, possibly trying to break Ricky Gervais' number of appearances and Ronnie Corbett makes a return appearance to the show. A man described by the BBC as a "comedy giant". Music from new band, the Courteeners.

Mackenzie Crook's latest film is Three and Out, in which he plays a Tube driver on London's Underground. The title refers to the rule that if a driver witnesses three accidental deaths on the line, he is pensioned off with a large lump sum. It is understandable to think from the title, that the film is actually about the career of cricketer Andrew Strauss.

David Tennant and Catherine Tate, aka, the Doctor and his new companion; John Hurt, who has played the Elephant Man and Quentin Crisp on film, but is yet to play an unconvincing alien in Doctor Who, makes a return appearance. Music from Radiohead.

Natasha Kaplinsky is one of those people who you either really, really like, or really, really loathe. Which camp are you in? This week's 'Hollywood royalty' is Donald Sutherland, while Trevor Eve is this week's 'Brummie royalty'. Music from the Kooks.

Gunther Von Hagens is a German anatomist who likes to perform televised autopsies in front an audience. This could be the last appearance on television for either Twiggy, David Baddiel Siouxsie Soux or Jonathan. Forgo your late-night snack just in case.

Michelle Ryan managed to star in several episodes of the Bionic Woman before it was axed. Who knows; maybe The Bill has the technology to rebuild her (career), as it has done for so many other former soap stars. Music comes from the Temptations, star-spangled blondness comes from Goldie Hawn and something French for the ladies comes from Jean-Christophe Novelli.

Nice to see him, to see him... Brucie returns to the show, on what will be his 80th birthday. Also on this week's programme: Forest Whitaker, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Ugandan despot Idi Amin and model Agyness Deyn, who, and let's be honest about this, is just some model. Music from Elbow.

First Blood, Rambo, Tango and Cash. Just three of the films for which Sylvester Stallone was not nominated for an Oscar. Also appearing: Nicholas Hoult from Skins and Katherine Jenkins from Wales. Music from Guillemots.

First it was Life on Mars, now it's Ashes to Ashes. TV cop Gene Hunt, (Philip Glenister) returns to the screen as the Manc detective who likes 'oops. Maybe the next series will be called 'The Laughing Gnome' and will be set in the seedy underworld of Legoland. Starring Tom Cruise.

The Cast of Mistresses join Jonathan for an innuendo-laden smut fest; Britt Ekland takes part in a 'I was married to Peter Sellers and danced naked in The Wicker Man' jamboree and Morrissey provides the music - no smut and no dancing naked. Phew.

Big, butch funny bloke Alan Carr returns to the Ross sofa. Alan wears glasses... and shoes... and has the requisite number of ears for a standard human. Yes, you've guessed it - I don't know anything about the other guests.

He is a living legend; a man who was a part of the greatest model railway based children's programme of all time. He provided the voices for the fab four: Thomas, Henry Gordon and the Fat Controller � Mr. Ringo Starr. He was also in The Beatles. Also appearing on this week's show, Sir David Attenborough; friend of the Rwandan gorilla, pal of the bat and generally on nodding terms with fish.

New Series. Yes, a new series just twenty days after the last one ended, the BBC is getting its moneys worth out of Jonathan. In return, he provides a guest straight from the top of the A List - Tom Hanks. Chris Rock, who some people might find funny, whilst others will just regard him as loud, American and not funny. Music from Reverend & The Makers.

"Fighting in the Dojo, Miso Miso Oriental Prince in the land of soup". Fans of the Boosh will understand that, other people might just be greatly disturbed. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, a man who has cooked pretty much everything on television from Cephalopoda to placenta makes a welcome début appearance on the show. The music comes from Kate Nash with her mockney stylings and 'cor blimey Mary Poppins, ain't it foggy in Larndon'?

Daniel Craig – the blond Bond; Russell Brand – the pseudo-Dickensian Cockney urchin and Jack Dee – the grumpy one who is second only to Ricky Gervais in appearances on the show.

Proud Welshman Sir Anthony Hopkins - who is now an American citizen - makes his first appearance on the show. Jimmy Carr, who just seems to be very proud of himself in general, makes what seems to be his 400th appearance.

Gordon Ramsay has more Michelin stars than any other chef, most of which have to be used to censor the swear words he uses. ****, for example.

Heston Blumenthal has been described as a "culinary alchemist". This is a rather grand way of saying he makes porridge from snails. Kelly Brook is the latest celebrity to put her name to a perfume, sadly, the name 'Smelly Brook' was discarded pretty early on. Actress, Cate Blanchett and 'famous for being married to Rod Stewart' Penny Lancaster also appear. Duran Duran - who will perform their new song, will probably be wearing more make-up than Kelly, Cate and Penny - specifically Nick Rhodes.

Kelly Smith, who is brilliant and will probably be the next Queen of England, appears tonight in all her shimmering glory. She will be talking about Women's Football which is absolutely excellent entertainment.

If Katie Price's self-importance was flammable and caught fire, it would be the Great Fire of London all over again. If her talent was flammable and caught fire, it would be like a damp banger going off. Peter Andre appears tonight - he's married to the damp banger.

Mother Nature is either very creative, or she's got a blinding sense of humour. How else could you explain the effortless beauty of Michelle Pfeiffer and the unconstrained ugliness of Chris Moyles? Maybe she created him with the left-overs from elephants ar**s.

Four weeks into the new series and the guest list shows signs of strain, and that's not just down to Beth Ditto's bulk. Peter Björn & John are described as "Swedish folk rockers" - is it just me, or does that sound like a cue to stuff your ears with broken glass?

There's a 'Hair Off' this week: Richard Hammond - the indestructible one from Top Gear, brings his new, flowing locks to compete with Jonathan's luscious mane. Dame Helen Mirren's naturally girly hair might not be enough to secure victory, but Christian Slater is in with a chance. If it's decided by facial hair, Dr. Matt Destruction from The Hives will walk it, even though he's bald. Bring it on!

This week's guests: a director who's films I don't really like; an actor who's films I don't watch; two women who make television programmes for badly dressed frumpy lasses and some Scottish warbler who's music gives me the staggers. Apart from that, I am really looking forward to it.

It seems like just 63 days since Jonathan was talking to J.K. Rowling. Either that, or I can't count. However long it was, the wait is over - he's back. To kick things off, there is a rare interview with Keira Knightley who, incidentally, weighs less than Jonathan's hair. Funny man Simon Pegg and man Adam Sandler also appear on the first show. Music comes from Dallas-based twenty-three-piece band The Polyphonic Spree, who, incidentally, weigh less than Jonathan's hair.

It's that time of year when the British pretend we like tennis again. Andy Roddick's appearance can only mean the EVIL that is Wimbledon is upon us. Fat women of Britain rejoice and pay £97.32p for two strawberries (you'll need to re-mortgage your house if you want cream with them). Myleene Klass who is heavily pregnant and Nick Frost who's a natural fatty also appear.

I was going to make fun of Bear Grylls because of his name, that was until I discovered that he was in the S.A.S. so I thought better of it. If I made fun of Gordon Ramsay on the other hand, he would probably just call me a ****. (He wouldn’t be the first).

There was a time when Ozzy liked nothing more than to tuck in to a bat's head for a snack, these days he's far happier with a delicious butter substitute. We all mellow with age. I'm worried that Justin Lee Collins will end up as the latest canine member of Ozzy's family due to his cartoon dog-like appearance. I'm sure he wouldn't get away with using the floor as a toilet as easily as Ozzy's real dogs seem to.

Evita, Cats, Starlight Express - just three of the musicals written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, that I have no intention of ever going to see. John Barrowman has probably seen all of them at least 83 times. Also appearing tonight in a skirt, Janice Dickinson and possibly Eddie Izzard.

Rob Brydon stars in a programme called 'Annually Retentive'. Does that mean he can or can not stand next to the piano? If you are drunk whilst watching this episode, that's Helena Bonham Carter - not Robert Smith from The Cure.

Bill Bailey is a funny guy, a talented musician and a Klingon nonce. He's on tour - go and see him, shout 'weasels' and hear his reply - 'dormice'! Singer, Sarah Brightman, is set to perform at this year's F.A. Cup final - I think she'll lose, which is a pity as I think she'd do well in the U.E.F.A. Cup. Music this week from Jamie T. So that's one talented musician on the programme then...

A curious mix of guests this week. Artists Gilbert & George who began their careers' in performance art, now better known for their brightly coloured photo-montages. Not my cup of tea to be honest, but they did win the Turner Prize in 1986. Liverpool won the League and F.A. Cup double in the same year, which probably explains why I missed their finest hour. Stephen Gerrard in full flow - now that's art.Jonathan's former warm-up man Alan Carr is back as is the woman who's had more rock stars that the green room at Live Aid, Patsy Kensit. Smooth, suited Mackem Bryan Ferry provides the music - hopefully not something by Wagner.

Ricky Gervais? On Jonathan's show? That must have taken some serious negotiating - or maybe just a kiss. I'm amazed to see Gareth Gates on the show; I thought he was happy and comfortable in obscurity. I guess he couldn't say no (that's cruel I know). Completing the guest list are full-time pilot and part-time actor John Travolta and Macy Gray, who is a dead ringer for that bear from The Hair Bear Bunch.

Ladies and gentlemen: he's back. The suited, wavy-haired cheeky monkey himself Mr Ross, welcomes us to his new series with the distinct possibility of a punch-up. Boxer Ricky Hatton goes toe-to-toe with Jonathan and Thandie Newton will do well to stay that far away from him and his saucy banter. Daniel Radcliffe, who has gone from boy wizard to horse fondler, returns to the show as does Damon Albarn with yet another new band The Good, The Bad & The Queen. Has he finally formed a good one?

Courtney Love, Jeremy Clarkson, David Schwimmer, Simon Pegg, Juliette and the Licks.

Friday Night with Jonathan Ross: Jamiroquai perform their new single 'Feels just like it should' and Jay Kay talks about hats. Goran Visnjic promotes his latest TV series, Spartacus.