S4E12
Diamonds Are My Only Friends
Ended
First aired 31/Jan/2010
United States
English
4 season(s)
82 episode(s)
The unofficial celebrity biography of Mary-Kate Olsen, brought to spoiled rotten life by Elaine Carroll. Featuring Bodyguard, Fat Professor, and obscene wealth.
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TimeScore
33%
Skip It
Binge Meter
48%
Slow Burn
Episode Pulse
Quiet
40% activity score
Drop Rate
0%
Very Low
Scores are based on audience votes, watchlist activity, episode progress, and viewer behavior on EpisodeTime.
Seasons & Episodes
Browse episodes by season.
Season 4 · Season 4
Season Overview
--
S4E11
Presentation 5
Summary
Mary-Kate gives a presentation about the Wig Party.
S4E10
Bad Connection
Summary
Bodyguard and Mary-Kate’s relationship takes a turn for the staticky.
S4E9
Drinking Game
Summary
Mary-Kate creates her own drinking game, and quickly gets sick of it.
S4E8
Conference Call
Summary
Mary-Kate needs help with a homework assignment, and enlists the help of everyone she knows.
S4E7
Shrooms
Summary
Mary-Kate and Jewish-Looking Girl trip into friendship.
S4E6
Evaluations
Summary
Mary-Kate writes her teacher evaluations, and Fat Professor forms a rebuttal.
S4E5
Instagram
Summary
Who wants daiquiris??? #nofilter
S4E4
Dinner with Hoffman
Summary
The Oscar creeper sabotages Mary-Kate and Sarkozy’s date.
S4E3
Breaking Up
Summary
Mary-Kate is torn between her muscleman and her Frenchman.
S4E2
Lost in Translation
Summary
Mary-Kate makes a French connection.
S4E1
Manicure
Summary
Mary-Kate’s nail art should hang in a museum.
Season 3 · Season 3
Season Overview
--
S3E24
Summer House
Summary
Mary-Kate gets lost indoors and has to crack out her survival skills.
S3E23
The Case of the Cracked Cup (Very Maggie Smith 2)
Summary
When Maggie Smith’s teacup goes handle-less, everyone’s a suspect.
S3E22
Draw Something
Summary
Mary-Kate challenges Bodyguard to some 1am Pictionary.
S3E21
Comet
Summary
Mary-Kate’s cat meows out against drugs.
S3E20
Pills
Summary
Take once per day with a picture of food.
S3E19
Slumber Party
Summary
First one to fall asleep gets a hand in warm Pellegrino.
S3E18
Professor’s Presentation
Summary
Mary-Kate sabotages Professor in front of the school board.
S3E17
Sleeping in Class
Summary
Mary-Kate goes to sleep to the soothing sounds of a yelling professor.
S3E16
Sex and Sexuality (Very Maggie Smith)
Summary
Butler stays abreast of Maggie Smith’s love life.
S3E15
Pillow Talk
Summary
Mary-Kate and Bodyguard may have effed up and effed.
S3E14
Dishwasher
Summary
Mary-Kate loves shiny appliances! And by that she means sweaty laborers.
S3E13
Jail
Summary
Mary-Kate deals with life in the slammer.
S3E12
Mug Shot
Summary
Is this the duckface of a criminal?
S3E11
Police
Summary
I fought the law and the law was a jerk face.
S3E10
Evil Dragon
Summary
It’s always the bodyguard you least suspect.
S3E9
Trenta
Summary
Start the morning with a gallon of joe.
S3E8
Call My Phone
Summary
Sing along! Actually no, just find my phone.
S3E7
Layers
Summary
It’s freezing cold under all these layers.
S3E6
Jewish Looking Girl
Summary
She’s a rock star of David.
S3E5
Presentation 4
Summary
War – what is it good for? Cute uniforms.
S3E4
Santa
Summary
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house… I was shuffling around chain smoking and trying on different shoes.
S3E3
Jetlag
Summary
Can’t sleep? Count sheepskin boots.
S3E2
Magazines
Summary
Magazines are sooo heavy. Especially the ones with pictures of fat people.
S3E1
Raise Your Hand
Summary
I can’t raise my hand. I’m allergic to effort.
Season 2 · Season 2
Season Overview
--
S2E27
Presentation 3
Summary
Always present on an empty stomach.
S2E26
Gold Rush
Summary
Is a gold rush when Tiffany’s has a sale?
S2E25
Vegas (4)
Summary
Mary-Kate tweets her way to safety.
S2E24
Vegas (3)
Summary
Deserts are even scarier than desserts.
S2E23
Vegas (2)
S2E22
Vegas (1)
S2E21
Church
Summary
The lord is my shepherd, but lambswool makes me itchy.
S2E20
Confession
Summary
Mary-Kate gets D and dirty with G almighty.
S2E19
Sick
Summary
It’s not bulimia when you haven’t eaten.
S2E18
Sexy Time
Summary
Ashley won’t take gross for an answer.
S2E17
Conference
Summary
Bodyguard and Professor go head-to-fat-head.
S2E16
Presentation 2
Summary
I put my Louisiana Purchase on my Amex.
S2E15
Bath
Summary
Rub-a-dub-dub, Ashley wants some love.
S2E14
Photo Shoot
Summary
A face that only her sister could love.
S2E13
Hired
Summary
One girl’s trash is another girl’s bodyguard.
S2E12
Fired
Summary
Bodyguard gets a pink slip. Oooooh, pink!
S2E11
Naked
Summary
Bodyguard’s in his birthday suit.
S2E10
Woody Allen 2
Summary
Where there’s a will, there’s a way too talkative.
S2E9
Driving
Summary
Learning to drive is as easy as eating pie. It’s very hard.
S2E8
Presentation
Summary
The best presentation in the history of history class.
S2E7
Excuses
Summary
My dog ate this video description.
S2E6
Hoffmoween
Summary
Phil Hoffman’s scariest as himself.
S2E5
Trick-or-Treat
Summary
Tricking is less calorific than treating.
S2E4
Woody Allen
Summary
Amir guest stars as Mary-Kate’s Godfather.
S2E3
Cheating
Summary
Cheating is so hard! I need to learn how to cheat at it.
S2E2
Clone
Summary
Comet is back! Thank you, science!
S2E1
Recap
Summary
OMG you guys! I’m back! Did you miss me?
Season 1 · Season 1
Season Overview
--
S1E19
Gun
Summary
Do you feel lucky, Bodyguard? Are you a Luckyguard?
S1E18
Philip Seymour Hoffman 2
Summary
Is this about all those blimps I crashed? Because I keep telling you guys, I don’t care.
S1E17
Zac Efron
Summary
A date with Zac Efron? Zac Ef yes!
S1E16
Nightmare
Summary
Quiet, Evil Dragon, I’m trying to write a description!
S1E15
Ashleyguard
Summary
But Ashley doesn’t have nipple hair!
S1E14
Crush
Summary
It’s just a little crush and I throw up a little every time they touch.
S1E13
Paper
Summary
I ended up getting an “F” for “F”-ort.
S1E12
Extension
Summary
Can I have an extension on that paper I have to write? I have to learn how to write.
S1E11
Back to School
Summary
I’m going back to college to get my The Bachelor degree.
S1E10
Cat
Summary
I decide to get a cat rather than have a baby because it’s more expensive.
S1E9
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Summary
I get acting lessons from the Academy Award-winning creep-o.
S1E8
Fight
Summary
I know to get emotional when the piano music kicks in.
S1E7
Hangover
Summary
I learn never to drive drunk. Especially when driving a blimp.
S1E6
Depressed
Summary
I’m tired of waiting around for that special someone to have a baby for me.
S1E5
Baby Daddy
Summary
Bodyguard flat out refuses to be my daddy baby, so I flat out threaten to steal his sperm.
S1E4
Baby
Summary
I consider getting a baby. At least I think that’s what happens. It’s been a while since I read the script.
S1E3
Bodyguard
Summary
Got legit sick filming this. Didn’t sleep for 48 hrs. Not cuz of drugs, you haters, b/c I’m an effing method actor.
S1E2
Moving Day
Summary
My bodyguard is responsible for everything related to my body, including moving the stuff I surround my body with.
S1E1
Moving Out
Summary
I get a new place. Ash looks totes fugly - ugh - I mean tired in this one. Wardrobe provided by Donna Karen.
Cast
Main cast members.
Elaine Carroll
Mary-Kate / Ashley
Paul W. Downs
Zac Efron
Limor Hakim
Limor
Josh Ruben
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Victoria Dicce
Bitchy Student
Jim Santangeli
Driving Instructor
Luke Sholl
Bodyguard
Michael Cyril Creighton
Photo Director
Vincent Peone
Photographer
Andrew Secunda
Priest
No Photo
Caitlin Nicole Williams
No Photo
Nathan Atkinson
Nate
Will Hines
Professor
No Photo
Jeremy King
Jeremy
Marie-Therese Bjornerud
Rock Chick
No Photo
Steve Cozzarelli
Black Eye
No Photo
Scott Darda
Bass Player
No Photo
Jason Rodriguez
Keyboard Player
Crew
Creators, directors, writers, and production crew.
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