Soft Border Patrol

Does a plank across a stream constitute an illegal border crossing? Is chorizo still legal in Northern Ireland? Thankfully the SBP are here to provide information and clarification.

The SBP are alert and ready to deal with any border situation. These include deciding if an abandoned fish is a Free State fish or property of the Queen, the Continuity Nine County Sovereignty Committee striving to unify the nine counties of Ulster and identifying animals by their accents. They also deal with a hen party whose Greek member does not have her passport and a report of a tourist from the Continent urinating in a bush.

Complex territorial issues addressed by the independent organisation monitoring the thin dotted line between the EU and the UK. The Patrollers carry out a suspiciously lengthy strip-search on a smuggler, dispose of some controlled explosives with a controlled explosion, and suffer some contentious fallout from a visit to a Mexican restaurant. Meanwhile, the 'virtual border' gets a real grilling from a BBC reporter.

Post-Brexit the team deal with smugglers, protests and queries from concerned citizens.

On all terrains they are out in all weathers, and there's big excitement for border resident Penny when megastar meteorologist Barra Best visits her village.

Head of the digital border Niall Sweeney showcases some new technology he is developing for the Soft Border Patrol. Ben and Kris encounter an unusual group, chief executive Lisa McCoy deals with an important London visitor, and the Continuity Nine County Sovereignty Committee put a new plan into action and finally embrace the ballot box.

With equal marriage legal in Northern Ireland, Ben and Kris encounter equal rights on the border when they meet Hector, the divorce lawyer. The Continuity Nine gang is back with new plans to unite Ulster by harnessing water power, and TV legend Gerry Kelly has a bone to pick with Laurence Lyle.

With Brexit over the line, Lisa meets with her political neighbours, as an Irish politician arrives from Dublin. Niall’s new in car technology throws up a few surprises, and football legend Jackie Fullerton has some advice for the patrollers.

The coastal patrol try to get Michael to come clean when they catch him smuggling illicit washing powder. Niall Sweeney’s feasibility study into the possible bridge between Northern Ireland and Scotland includes some explosive revelations for visiting Scottish politician Erskine Forbes, and Ben and Kris learn not all acronyms are scary.