The Armstrong and Miller Show

A fitter of bathroom blinds works out just how to humiliate a difficult customer; a divorced dad 'bonds' with his young son in the park - but pulls no punches about the reasons why he and his mum split up. Gullible Rog returns home from work to find his wife and his best friend Pete in full bondage gear - a surprise Easter party for him, they claim; a record producer gees up his new boy band signings - but all is not as it seems. Government ads encourage those who've failed in the real world to try teaching; we learn about the origins of Art Criticism from two Neanderthals; and meet faithful football manager Tony and his overly friendly Russian boss Dimitri, who plans that they will "make fire together". And when an aggressive head chef goes a step too far in his criticisms, the kitchen staff exact the perfect, fatal revenge.

Divorced dad and his young son bond over a cup of tea, and the conversation turns to frank discussions about why Granny died - possibly something to do with an imperial gallon of Tia Maria. A pair of builders decide pretending to be Polish will give them an easier life at work; while a guest at a medieval feast just can't get into the swing of the merry-making thanks to a long list of food intolerances. A man wakes from a coma, desperate to catch up on the last 25 years of his life. His parents fill him in - Marathons are now called Snickers, Opal Fruits are now Starbursts. Russian boss Dimitri and unsuspecting manager Tony snuggle up to watch an episode of Property Ladder; while a busy CEO's loyal aides keep him posted with up-to-the-minute news - Hitler didn't like his nose and crisp packets shrink in the oven.

The politically incorrect sat-nav gives a hapless driver its views on the state of the nation.

The chav pilots are saved from a firing squad by Biffy's mother who tells them not to sh*t her about; Cheery children's TV presenters make an apology to their viewers after drinking on a night out made them act in a "silly way"; The White Devil, a self-important ex-pat in Africa, roams the back roads and sets the record straight. Things get rather confusing when actors suffer accidents while reconstructing an accident - where there's blame there's a claim; Dennis Lincoln-Park visits a library to hold an ancient, priceless manuscript, with disastrous consequences. We learn about the origins of hairdressing from Neanderthals; Brabbins and Fyffe, the filthy alter-egos of Flanders and Swann, sing a jolly little song about women. A first date starts to go wrong when stalker-like tendencies come to the surface; and a bored teacher performs some special moves at the back of the school gym while the children work on, oblivious.

The two street-talking chav pilots are back discussing their self-esteem issues and a recent letter from home; Dennis Lincoln-Park, an accident-prone culture buff, examines an absolutely priceless Rembrandt drawing a little too close with his magnifying glass. Contestants on a new series The Critical Factor are pushed to their very limits; Jilted Jim makes some new friends in Hawaii, despite his wife not being there - she ran off with the wedding DJ; Dr Tia continues saving lives and marveling at the dignity of "these people" in Botswana. A reasonable boss interrupts his employee's terrorist interrogation with an invitation to Pizza Express for a birthday treat; Divorced Dad is back with his teenage son, with graphic details of his sex life with his new girlfriend. And when a rather suave guy buys a drink for a beautiful woman at a bar, the evening deteriorates dramatically when she catches sight of his pony-tail.

Howard The Weirdo takes things one step too far in a team ice-breaking session. Meanwhile, the Second World War pilots are vexed that people have been talking about them behind their backs; Dennis Lincoln-Park examines the only surviving panel of a rare tapestry; and the divorced dad offers his teenage son tips on avoiding STDs. Terry Devlin, the Ulsterman Royal Correspondent, talks assuredly about the minutiae of the Royal Family's lives; Jilted Jim invites his new best friends to a game of "Travel Boggle"; and, when a woman picks out a "South Harbour Club Patrol" branded T-shirt for her boyfriend, he's bewildered to find himself roped into dealing with approaching Somali pirates.

Featuring the return of the RAF pilots and the cavemen, and introducing two vampires at odds with the modern world.

Featuring two prudish saleswomen, Yvonne and Lisa, who run an underwear shop; the return of Brabbins and Fyffe; and the frustration of an astronaut whose jealous computer won't leave him alone.

Featuring more from the out-of-touch vampires, 'no nonsense' nonsense from new characters Phil and Ken, and a special report from royal correspondent Terry Devlin.